


My Escape

by Okaramitsu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-17 04:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13651830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okaramitsu/pseuds/Okaramitsu
Summary: Asahi has a bad home life and an abusive mother, causing him to be upset. Nishinoya finds out and tries to help him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Before I start I wanted to write a little thing here. So you guys are aware, this story has themes of suicide/self-harm/abuse so if any of those things make you uncomfortable or upset then probably don't read this. I wanted to write something angsty because I think that type of thing can be really good if done right, hopefully I can pull it off lol. Also, please don't yell at me or something for "romanticizing" these things, I'm not trying to. I am an ex-self harmer so I like reading about things like this, I've never been in an abusive situation before though. 
> 
> So yeah, I don't support suicide or self harm. If you're going through something tough I really do suggest you seek help. Be it professional, from family or friends, or even just helping yourself because I know that asking others for help, especially professionals, is scary and not for everyone. Stay safe and happy, guys.

_Ah, here we go again._

Asahi hesitantly gripped the handle to the front door, knowing full well what was coming when he turned it and pushed it open. He took a deep breath and not wanting to put it off any longer he softly swung the door open.

The first thing he saw was his mother, Kazumi, seated at the kitchen table looking irritated. Upon hearing the door click she quickly turned her head causing her long light brown hair to whip around with her swift movement. She watched Asahi timidly walk in, scowling at him with her sharp dark brown eyes. "Do you realize what time it is?" Kazumi asked bitterly.

Asahi closed the door behind him and nodded, "I was with my volleyball team, we have to practice if we want to do well." He replied softly.

Kazumi stood up and walked closer to Asahi, she was not too much shorter than him so it was not hard for her to intimidatingly stare him right in the eyes. Asahi felt like he was shrinking at her cold glare. "How many times have I told you I don't care? Volleyball is worthless, I said not to come home this late." She yelled in his face.

Asahi frowned. "I've been with them for two and a half years, Mom. You can't take this away from me now. Dad used to-" Asahi was cut of by a hand flying across his face and a loud slapping sound.

"I don't care about what he let you do. That waste of human resources is thankfully not a part of my life anymore so shut up and do as I say." She replied and shoved Asahi away with her foot as he started to walk off, "And you can forget about eating dinner again."

Asahi walked to his room with his hand cupping his cheek. It stung. That wasn't the first time she'd slapped him, but it wasn't the hundredth either. Things had slowly been getting worse between Asahi and his mom for the past few months. It used to be different. Asahi used to have a okay family life. Sure his parents argued sometimes and it wasn't perfect but it definitely wasn't like this.

Asahi sat down on the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands. He hadn't eaten dinner in a few days. Kazumi wouldn't let him most of the time. Asahi let out a sigh and reached to open a drawer next to his bed. The drawer slid open and Asahi pulled out something metallic and sharp. A razor.

_It's back to this then, I suppose._

_~_

"Hey, Asahi-san!" A voice called out from behind as he ran up to Asahi.

Asahi recognized the voice immediately and turned around to face its owner. It was Nishinoya. "Good morning Nishinoya." Asahi smiled at the spiky haired boy as they entered the Karasuno gym for morning practice. Nishinoya smiled back at Asahi.

One of the few redeeming qualities about Asahi's life was Nishinoya. He was Asahi's best friend and always managed to make him smile, even during the hardest times in his life. He loved spending time with Nishinoya, but even so, he kept his bad family life and all his recent problems to himself. Asahi didn't like bothering people. He was also scared to ever bring it up, so he kept quiet and pretended everything was alright. Nishinoya didn't have to help Asahi with his problems to be a great friend. Asahi was just happy to hang out with him. I mean, who wouldn't want to? He was so cool and adorable and-.

"Asahi-san." Nishinoya snapped Asahi out of his thoughts.

Asahi realized he stopped walking and was just staring at Nishinoya. He averted his gaze and blushed. He also had a crush on the little libero. "What? Did you say something? Sorry I wasn't really paying attention." Asahi apologized.

Nishinoya chuckled. "Ah see! This proves my point! I asked you if you've been feeling okay lately, you've seemed out of it sometimes during practice." He repeated, "Are you sick or something? Don't try and hide it! Pushing through will only make your condition worse!"

Asahi felt panic spread through him but he tried not to show it. Although Nishinoya wasn't entirely correct he was on the right track. His recent lack of sleep and and food had done a number on his energy levels. He couldn't tell Nishinoya the truth of the reason without a thousand questions being rapid fired at him.

"Huh? I'm not sick. I-I guess I just haven't been getting enough sleep lately. Been staying up with homework and studying lately." Asahi replied slightly nervously. Part of wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the nearly whole truth either and he was afraid Nishinoya might be a bit too perceptive.

"Ah! I suppose that could be important." Nishinoya replied, "You always show up for practice before I'm there though, maybe try waking up a bit later? I know I'm not the final word in anything academics related but I bet there's a way to manage your time better." 

"It's not too big of a deal, Nishinoya. I'm surprised you even noticed." 

Nishinoya narrowed his eyes and looked at Asahi for a moment. "If you say so.. We need our ace to be in top condition though! Keep that in mind!" Nishinoya said in his usual dominating voice as if he was the third year and Asahi was below him, before he ran off to start warming up for practice.

Asahi let out a sigh of relief. _Thank god he believed it, but how am I going to keep making excuses for this forever?_ Asahi started to worry again but told himself not to.

_It'll work out, I'll keep this to myself and no one will ever have to find out._

~

It was lunch time, and like all the cool anime kids, Asahi and his fellow 3rd year friends, Sugawara and Daichi, were up on the roof of the school. Asahi, however, didn't have any food. Kazumi almost never made him a bento to take to school, recently. She didn't allow him to make his own food either, the refrigerator under lock and key so she could have ultimate control.

"You didn't bring any food, Asahi? Aren't you hungry?" Sugawara asked upon noticing Asahi's empty hands.

Asahi let out a nervous laugh. "I forgot to bring it." He told them.

"Ah, that's not good." Sugawara motioned his bento towards Asahi, "You can take some of mine." He offered.

"Mine too," Daichi did the same.

Asahi put his hands up in front of him. "It's fine, guys. I'm not all that hungry anyway." He didn't want to inconvenience them.

"We have more practice this evening. You need your energy, Asahi" Daichi insisted.

Asahi just shook his head and looked at the ground. "Really, it's fine." He replied softly.

Sugawara and Daichi looked at each other with concern and realized it was no use pushing their food on Asahi. They gave up reluctantly, much to Asahi's relief.

~

It was practice time again for Karasuno. Asahi was practicing his spikes and Sugawara was setting the ball to him. It had only been a few tosses and Asahi already started feeling abnormally exhausted. Not wanting to raise suspicion he kept going.

The sound of a volleyball softly hitting the floor kept echoing through the gym. He was missing the tosses. "Asahi are you alright?" Sugawara asked as he decided against tossing the next ball, "You seem to have trouble jumping and you look really worn out."

Asahi hunched over with his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. "I'm fine, it's probably just because I didn't eat anything for lunch." He answered, "Keep tossing." That was only half true. Sure part of it was because he didn't eat lunch, but he also hadn't eaten dinner the previous day, or the day before, or maybe even the day before that. It had been several days since Asahi had eaten properly, and it was taking a toll on him.

Sugawara looked at him with concern, "If you say so.." The setter replied with uncertainty and threw Asahi another toss.

Asahi managed to hit one more and after the second jump he started to feel dizzy and disoriented. After a few seconds of standing in place Asahi collapsed onto the ground. Sugawara rushed over to him. "Are you okay?!" He asked panicked while crouching next to Asahi.

Everyone else noticed this happen as well and went over to see what was going on. "Asahi!" Nishinoya called out before reaching him and crouching down beside Sugawara. "What happened to him?"

Asahi opened his eyes and looked up at his teammates. He quickly sat up and tried his best to look okay. "I told you you should've taken some of our food. Are you alright?" Daichi asked, offering a hand to Asahi.

Asahi took it and pulled himself up shakily while Nishinoya watched, confused and concerned. "Sorry." Was all Asahi could say.

"But still, one day without eating lunch and you collapse like _that?_ Are you sure you're not unwell?" Sugawara questioned.

"Why didn't you eat, Asahi-san?"Nishinoya asked.

"I just forgot to bring food. It's okay guys, really. There's nothing wrong with me." Asahi insisted and he went to go sit down by the wall of the gym and recover while watching everyone else.

Nishinoya wanted to go sit down next to him and keep asking if there's anything wrong but he knew it was no use if Asahi hadn't said anything yet, so he went back to practicing with the others.

After practice was over and Karasuno was walking home Daichi stopped Asahi at the shop that they get food from as a team often. He went inside and brought a bag back out. "Here," Daichi handed it to Asahi,  "Since you didn't get to eat earlier I got you some pork buns. I know it probably isn't super necessary because you can go home and eat but as your captain I wanted to do this for you."

Asahi took the bag with a genuine smile. "Thank you so much." He said softly. The captain didn't know it but thanks to him Asahi would get to eat something for dinner for the first time in a few days and he was so grateful. 

"No problem!" Daichi smiled back at him, "I should head home now, so I'll see you tomorrow." He waved as he walked off.

Asahi went and sat on the side of the road to eat. He knew bringing it home would be a bad idea and Kazumi would be angry at him, but he was happy to sit alone in the peace and quiet of the night. He wanted to stay there forever, eating silently with only the sound of the wind and the occasional car passing by, but he knew he couldn't. At some point he would have to go back to his house, and he knew the longer he lingered outside the worse it would be when he got back. 

After eating the last of the pork buns Asahi let out a sigh and picked himself up. He headed towards his house.

_No reason in putting this off any longer. It's the same thing. Everyday. I might as well just get it over with._

He reached his house after an unfortunately short walk. Not hesitating today, he opened the door.

_There she is again, I wonder what things she's going to say today. Will she slap me? Will I get to eat? Well, that one's not really even up for debate. I know that now._

Kazumi started yelling at the poor boy again, calling him a terrible son. 

_I know, Mom. I know I'm awful. The worst. You tell me that enough that I'm starting to believe it. When was the last time you didn't berate me immediately after I walked in the door? I can't even remember, it's been quite a few weeks. I really don't do anything wrong. I just want to practice with my team like I have for the past two and a half years. You insult me for other things too, though. It's like you are always looking for a reason to hate me. So, maybe I actually am a terrible person. Moms know best, right?_

After Kazumi was finished with her onslaught of hate and bitterness Asahi went to his room as always. He sat down on his bed, in the dark. As always.

_I have recently found something that makes me feel better, though. Even if for just a moment._

Asahi slid open his drawer and pulled out a razor with a bit of dried blood on it. He rested it in his hand and braced himself. Tears welled up in Asahi's eyes as he press the razor down on his upper arm and slid it across his skin, slicing open a wound. Blood started to spill out of the cut and he wiped it away with a towel he kept in the same drawer. Asahi continued to cut over the same wound again and again, and when he was done with one he'd move on to create another.

_It hurts. But when I'm doing it that's all I think about, the pain. I don't really understand it or why I do it. It's strange how it clears my mind. When I do it I get forget about how terrible my life is, or how much I hate myself, or what a terrible person I am. I only think about the pain of my skin being sliced open. It gives me peace of mind. I guess that is why I cut myself. It's my escape._

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Guys! Let's play a three on three game!" Hinata said excitedly while jumping up and down.

"But not everyone is here yet, Hinata." Daichi replied causing the excitable boy to stop jumping.

It was time for evening practice and Hinata, Kageyama, Asahi, Nishinoya, Daichi, and Sugawara were there early before everyone else. The ever energetic and enthusiastic Hinata was dying to take this opportunity to play a 3v3 game.

"That's the point!" Hinata whined, "Once more people get here there will be too many. Come on! We can play a quick one before that happens!" Hinata tried to convince Daichi.

"Heck yeah!" Nishinoya shouted, "I wanna play a game too!"

Hinata's face lit up as the libero joined him. "Do you guys all want to do that?" Daichi asked looking around the room.

"I wouldn't mind." Asahi replied and the rest of the team nodded in agreement.

"Alright fine then, let's pick our teams." Daichi said.

Hinata started jumping again and he bounced around the gym happily. "Yay!" He shouted.

"Hinata calm down, idiot! You're going to waste all your stamina before the game." Kageyama yelled at him and he immediately stopped.

Nishinoya ran up to Asahi. "I want to be on Asahi-san's team!" He declared looking up and smiling at the ace.

Asahi felt his heart skip a beat. Nishinoya's smile was like a ray of sunshine and Asahi was happy he specifically said he wanted to be on his team. He blushed and gave a shy smile back at Nishinoya.

"Alright then. Sugawara, you be on their team. I'll be with Kageyama and Hinata." Daichi said while he and Sugawara walked over to their respective teams.

"Kageyama! Isn't this great? We can do our quick!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Yeah, we'll win for sure." Kageyama replied monotonously but he couldn't help but let a small smile form on his lips as he looked down at his enthusiastic spiker.

Both teams walked over to opposite sides of the net. "Let's go!"

~

They had been playing for quite awhile and Asahi, along with everyone else, was starting to get worn out. His heart was pumping wildly from the physical activity and after his most recent spike he felt a strange warm feeling wash over his upper left arm. Asahi looked over towards his sleeve to find blood trickling down beneath it. His eyes widened in panic.

_Oh god. The increase in blood pressure from all this must've caused the cuts to start bleeding again. What! What do I do!?_

Asahi grabbed his arm with his other hand and looked around franticly. Sugawara noticed his panic, "Asahi, what's wrong?" He asked.

Not wanting to confront his team about the situation Asahi quickly dashed out of the gym. "I'm sorry, I need to leave." Was all he said while exiting. 

"Azumane, wait!" Coach Ukai called out, but it was too late.

The rest of the group looked at each other with concern. Nishinoya was the first to speak up, "I'll go chase after him and see what's up." He said with a worried expression.

"We'll go too. That was pretty concerning, maybe he's fallen ill?" Daichi said as the others nodded in agreement.

Nishinoya was already on his way out when he turned around to respond, "No, don't. Asahi-san might feel more intimidated by a group. I'll just go by myself. You guys should stay and play." And with that he left the gym in a hurry. 

Once he got outside he looked around for any signs of Asahi. He spotted him just as he ran into the club room. Nishinoya followed him and slid the door open, finding the lights weren't turned on. He saw a darkened figure sitting on the floor of the poorly lit room resting his back against the wall. Asahi's eyes widened seeing Nishinoya's silhouette standing in the doorway with the bright sun beaming behind him, much in contrast to the dim room. Asahi couldn't bring himself to speak as the short boy approached him, his worried face coming into focus as he closed the door behind him. "What happened? Why'd you just run out like that?" Nishinoya asked as he noticed Asahi had a hold on his own shoulder and was clutching his arm to his chest, "Are you hurt?" He crouched down in front of his friend and gave him a look of concern.

Asahi remained silent, not knowing what to say. "Let me see," Nishinoya said as he reached out and gently grabbed the wrist of Asahi's good arm.

Asahi flinched in fear, terrified of what Nishinoya's reaction might be. Deep down though, he almost wanted Nishinoya to find out. He wanted someone to know what he was going through. He wanted someone to talk to, or just a shoulder to cry on, but there was no way he could ever directly ask for those things himself. So, he didn't resist when Nishinoya pulled his arm away revealing the blood on his other one.

"You're bleeding." He stated and Asahi remained quiet as Nishinoya gripped the edge of his sleeve. 

Asahi tensed up as Nishinoya slowly pushed the sleeve up his arm, anticipating his response which he feared the worst of. Nishinoya's eyes widened upon seeing the damage and he felt his stomach drop. The cuts were so straight and organized. It would be impossible for this to occur with a natural injury.

 "These are... self-inflicted..?" Nishinoya asked with a weak voice, but he already knew the answer.

Asahi just turned his head away and looked at the ground. He gave a quiet, "Yeah.."

Nishinoya's grip on Asahi's arm loosened and he gently let go. He then stood up briefly before sitting down again, beside Asahi now. He looked over at the sad boy. "Why?" Was all he could think of to say.

There was a moment of silence while Asahi just stayed still, organizing his thoughts and gathering the courage to speak. Nishinoya didn't mind, he was willing to sit quietly for as long as Asahi needed. About a minute or so passed before Asahi took a deep breath and started speaking, "You know how my dad walked out on me and my mom a few months ago?"

Nishinoya nodded, he remembered the day Asahi had told him this. It was the morning after it happened, Asahi had to tell someone and this was before his self worth had been completely destroyed by his mother so it wasn't as hard for him to talk about his problems to other people. When he saw Nishinoya, his most trusted friend, that morning he completely broke down and told him that he woke up that morning to the sound of his parents screaming at each other and the front door slamming shut. When he went to leave his room he found a folded piece of paper in front of the door. It was a message from his dad saying that he was sorry for doing this but he couldn't stand to be around Asahi's crazy mother anymore so he left, but he promised he'd come back soon for him. Asahi never saw his dad since then.

"Well, my mom used to yell at my dad a lot and I could tell she wanted to yell at me too. Since my dad was always the nicer parent he would let me do more things and I think he tried to keep my mom from acting the way she does now towards me. Now that he's gone it seems she started treating me the way she has been because there's no one to stop her anymore. It wasn't really all that bad at first but recently she's gotten really.." Asahi trailed off for a moment, wondering if what he was about to say is even true.

_Is she really abusive? Or am I just being full of myself to think that I don't deserve the way she treats me? I probably do deserve it, what am I saying to Nishinoya? I don't want to lie to him. This is all my fault._

"Actually never mind. I do deserve all of it. It's nothing, she doesn't do anything wrong." He backtracked.

"Asahi-san, no. What were you going to say?" Nishinoya questioned.

When Asahi didn't respond he decided to try asking something else. "Well what does she do, then? I can't imagine you'd deserve it if it's gotten you to do this to yourself." Nishinoya said, referencing the cuts on his arm.

It took a few moments for Asahi to start but once he did, he told Nishinoya everything. His mother's abusive words and actions, how she's completely destroyed Asahi's self-esteem, her refusal to let him eat, but even as he talks about these things he still can't help but throw in a few comments about how it's all his fault and that he deserves it. Nishinoya just sat quietly and let Asahi speak, but inside his blood was boiling with anger. How could someone do this to their own child? He wondered. He wanted to punch Kazumi in the face and take Asahi far away to somewhere he'd be happy and safe.

After Asahi finished there was silence for a few seconds as Nishinoya took it all in. He then responded with one simple sentence. "Asahi-san, she's being abusive."

"That's what I was going to say earlier but... I don't know." Asahi replied.

Nishinoya looked at him with sorrowful eyes. "There's no doubt about it. What are you going to do? You can't keep living like this."

The distressed expression painted on Nishinoya's face made Asahi feel guilty, he didn't want to make someone worry about him. "There's nothing I can do or want to do about it. I'm just going to have to deal with it for now." He stated.

Nishinoya sighed. He wasn't sure what else he was expecting, but he wanted to help in some way. "Alright fine, but listen. If anything ever happens at home, anything at all, and you're upset about it please feel free to call me and talk about it. We don't even have to talk about whatever happened, specifically. We can just talk and I can try to make you feel better, so you don't have to hurt yourself anymore."

Asahi smiled at Nishinoya, tearing up. He felt so touched that someone genuinely wanted to help him. "Alright, I will."

Two small arms wrapped themselves around Asahi's neck and pulled him forward into a hug. "I just want you to be happy." Nishinoya said.

The tears in Asahi's eyes spilled over and ran down his face. He was so full of emotion and couldn't hold them back. Asahi rested his head on Nishinoya's shoulder and just continued to cry. Nishinoya's eyes widened in surprise when he realized Asahi was crying and he tightened his grip around him and patted his back.

Asahi was amazed at the situation. Nishinoya was literally being his shoulder to cry on. It felt good to have someone care about him and show it. He hugged Nishinoya back and the two sat there for a few minutes with Asahi quietly letting all his emotions out in the peaceful, dark club room.

Once he finally calmed down he pulled back. "Th-thank you, N-nishioya." was all he could say in a weak voice shaky with sobs.

Nishinoya gave him a tender smile. "Any time. I'm here for you." He assured him. 

Nishinoya stood up and offered a hand to Asahi. He took it and Nishinoya pulled him up, getting an eye full of his arm with drying blood on it. "We should do something about that." Nishinoya said while quickly scurrying over to Suga's locker and pulling a first-aid kit out of it. "Ah, just as I thought, he still has one." 

Asahi chuckled weakly, "Suga's prepared for anything, what if he notices somethings gone from it though?"

Nishinoya waved his hand, "Don't worry about it, I doubt Suga-san keeps inventory of a first-aid kit. Hold on a second though." Nishinoya left the club room briefly.

Asahi sat still and waited, wondering what Nishinoya could be doing. The boy returned a few moments later with dripping paper towels that looked to be from the bathroom. "Look!" He smiled holding them out, "To clean it off."

Crouching down in front of Asahi he rolled up the ace's sleeve again and began softly dabbing the congealing blood up. "N-Nishinoya, you don't have to do this for me. I can get the blood off myself." Asahi said in an unsure voice, feeling self-conscious about his wounds.

"No," Nishinoya stated continuing to gently clean Asahi up,"I want to do this for you. It's like a statement, you know? That I'm gonna help you. Not just right now, with the whole thing."

Asahi felt himself grow emotional again at the boy's words and tried his best not to tear up. Nishinoya pulled away before sifting through the first aid kit and pulling out what looked to be some kind of antiseptic spray. "Here, I hope this doesn't hurt too much." Nishinoya said, recalling memories of scraping his knee as a child and whining as his mom demanded she clean it because he hated the stingy spray.

Asahi barely winced as he sprayed it on, leaving it for a few moments before Nishinoya gently patted his arm with a dry paper towel he brought. Afterwards he opened up the first-aid kit and took a gauze bandage out and carefully wrapped it around Asahi's arm before securing it with a safety pin. "There! All done!" Nishinoya announced, almost childishly, "In case it starts bleeding again."

Tilting his head for a better look, Asahi looked at Nishinoya's work. "Thank you.." He said even though he felt a little silly. Nishinoya smiled at him as he rolled his sleeve back down his shoulder to cover the bandage. "What am I going to tell the others though? I need an explanation for running off like that.

"Don't worry! I can just tell them you weren't feeling well or something." Nishinoya assured him, "Do you want to go home now? I'm sure you don't feel like playing anymore, right?

Asahi nodded."Yeah, that'd probably be for the best. Besides, getting home now might appease my mom." He replied.

Nishinoya swiftly closed the first-aid kit and put it back where it was. "Alright then. Call me tonight, okay? I wanna know how things go at home." He requested.

Asahi nodded again as he slid open the club room door. Light flooded in the room and blinded the two boys whose eyes had adjusted to the darkness so well they almost forgot the lights weren't on. They both raised their hands above their eyes to block the harsh sunlight as they stepped outside. 

"I'll see ya later, then." Nishinoya said while turning around and walking back towards the gym.

"Yeah, see you later." Asahi waved with a soft smile as he went in a different direction to exit the school, watching Nishinoya get farther away from him until he entered the gym and vanished entirely. Asahi smiled to himself, words could not describe how grateful and happy he was to have Nishinoya in his life.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

The moon had just risen and Nishinoya was sprawled out on his bed after getting home and eating dinner. He had his phone set on his bed beside him hoping to hear it ring soon.

His mind wandered to the events of the day. It was a lot to swallow. Finding out that someone so precious to him was going through such a hard time. Remembering what Asahi said, Nishinoya felt anger well up inside him. He scowled and clenched his fists at the thought of Asahi's mother. It was hard not to be angry at himself, too, for not noticing sooner, for not being able to help sooner. He had to remind himself it was no one's fault but that rotten mother of Asahi's. He calmed down a bit as his thoughts roamed to another thing that happened. Nishinoya felt his heart flutter remembering the tight embrace he shared with his beloved ace. He had never hugged Asahi like that before. It was warm and nice, but the reason behind it was upsetting. Just remembering Asahi's broken voice and tear-stained face was enough to fill Nishinoya with sorrow. He wanted happy hugs with Asahi. He wanted to leap into his arms with smiles on both of their faces and k-.

A sound rang out through the room. Nishinoya was so lost in his emotional rollercoaster of thoughts he barely heard it at first. The second time the sound played he snapped out of his daze and realized it was his phone ringing. He quickly shot up and grabbed it he was pleased to see the caller was the one who was just running through his mind. Quickly sliding the answer button icon he raised the device to his ear. "Asahi-san! You actually called!"

"Hey, Nishinoya." A gentle voice spoke though the low quality of the phone audio.

Nishinoya smiled at the sound of Asahi's voice, even though it was slightly distorted. "How are you? Did anything happen?" He asked.

"I'm alright, actually." Asahi replied, "The way my mom acted was surprising, in a good way though. Did things go okay after I left? I hope no one thought I was too weird."

Relief washed over Nishinoya, now knowing that nothing bad had happened. "That's good! Nothing particularly special happened after you left. Don't worry though, I told them you suddenly felt really sick. They were really worried but no one thought it was weird of you."

"I feel bad for making them worry now." Asahi replied.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't think of anything else to tell them!" Nishinoya apologized.

"It's not your fault, there isn't much else you could've said. Thank you for covering for me though." Asahi said as a small smile found its way to his lips.

Nishinoya matched his smile. "It's not a problem at all. Anyway, going back to your mom, you said it was surprising the way she acted? What happened?" Nishinoya turned his head to the side slightly like a curious puppy.

"Ah, well, she didn't yell at me when I got home. She actually praised me for being home earlier. It was weird though." Asahi sounded mildly distressed.

Nishinoya picked up on the uneasiness of Asahi's tone. "How was it weird?" He inquired.

There was a momentary silence while Asahi tried to figure out what he even meant. "I don't know. It seemed almost.. Insincere." He stated, "That might just be because I'm not used to it though. I mean, she even let me eat dinner."

"Well since I wasn't there I don't know, but if you thought it was fake don't completely shut down the idea. It would make sense for her to do that." Nishinoya assured, "But even if she was sincere that doesn't excuse the way she's treated you in the past."

"...I guess," Asahi said in an unsure voice after a short pause in conversation.

There was another moment of quiet. It gave Nishinoya a bit of time to think of what else he wanted to ask Asahi.

"Hey, you've said your mom is really controlling on if you get to eat or not so I was just wondering, do you eat breakfast?" Nishinoya broke the silence.

"Sort of." Asahi answered, "I always wake up super early so I can leave the house before my mom wakes up because I don't want to talk to her. She wouldn't let me eat anyway so I just get something out of a vending machine."

"Ah. Now that I think of it you always are at the gym for morning practice before anyone else." Nishinoya thought out loud.

"Yeah."

"Are you there alone for long?" He asked.

"Yeah, a little bit."

It was quiet again for a short time. Nishinoya smiled a little and fiddled with the blanket on his bed, a bit nervous of what he was about to say, "If you want, I could start waking up earlier than normal to meet you there everyday so you're not so lonely." Nishinoya tried to keep his voice steady but felt heat rise to his cheeks, "O-only if you want to though! I don't know if that's like, your quiet personal time or something where you don't want to deal with people, so.."

Asahi smiled and gripped his shirt over his heart. Nishinoya sounded so adorable, had he been next to him it would've taken all of Asahi's will power not to tackle the small boy with a hug. "That would make me really happy." He replied.

A giddy smile formed on Nishinoya's lips. "Really? Awesome! Well then I should probably get to sleep soon if I'm going to wake up early." Not that he even thought he could sleep. His heart was racing, just spending time with Asahi filled him with joy and he was so happy to be able to help him.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight, Nishinoya." Asahi said, unable to stop himself from smiling as well.

"You should sleep too!" Nishinoya stated, "Sleep is healthy, goodnight Asahi-san!" He quickly ended the call, feeling a little flustered.

He collapsed back onto his bed and quickly pulled the covers up over his face. Nishinoya felt stupid for getting so flustered. He felt bad hanging up so swiftly like that but he didn't want Asahi to figure out just how happy he was to be growing closer to him. Nishinoya would proudly take on this role as someone who would always be there for Asahi through everything. 

Sleep eventually found Nishinoya once the silly giddiness died down and he relaxed into a peaceful snooze for the night.

~

The sun had risen again and Asahi had just slid open the door to the Karasuno gym. As he expected, the spiky haired libero had not arrived yet, for it was really early. Asahi figured he might as well practice some serves while he waited.

Asahi kept throwing serve after serve but Nishinoya hadn't shown up yet. It hadn't been too long but Asahi felt pretty defeated already. He abandoned the serves and walked over to the wall and sat down with his back rested against it. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. Feeling stupid and embarrassed for thinking Nishinoya actually wanted to spend time with him and help, him he started to tear up.

_I'm so stupid, why would Nishinoya ever care about me? He's so cool and confident and lively and... I'm not. I'm pathetic. I'm nothing._

Asahi hugged his knees tighter and tears started to spill from his eyes as he tore himself down, not needing someone else to do it for him anymore.

_He probably realized that after he hung up last night or this morning, and now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I can't blame him though, he deserves much better friends. Not someone li-_

The door suddenly slid open loudly. "Asahiiii-saaaan! You forgot to tell me how early, you dummy!" An unmistakable hyper voice called out, "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long!"

Asahi looked up at the energetic boy standing in the doorway who soon started bounding over to where he was sitting. Asahi felt relief fill him and, in his emotional state, a few more tears wet his cheeks. He was so happy to be wrong.

Asahi quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand and looked up at Nishinoya, who had just arrived in front of him. "Asahi-san you're crying." Nishinoya stated in a worried tone, "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"I'm sorry, I.. When you didn't show up for a bit I started thinking you changed your mind and you would neve-"

"I am so sorry!" Guilt coursed through Nishinoya, "I forgot to ask what time exactly, so I guessed and I see it wasn't early enough, I'm really sorry!" He swiftly took a seat next to his crying friend.

Asahi shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. I'm overreacting. It's just- You're really cool and everything, why would you ever care about someone like me? I started thinking about that and then I.." He trailed off, feeling a little embarrassed he let it slip how cool he thought Noya was without thinking about what he was saying.

Nishinoya grinned. He was flattered that Asahi thought he was really cool. Even though he already knew it was true, hearing Asahi say it was special to him.

"You don't have to apologize. And hey, you're cool too, don't say you aren't." Nishinoya turned and smiled warmly at Asahi, "And I care about you a lot, so there's no need to worry about that. It won't change."

Asahi lifted his chin from his knees and flattened his legs on the floor. "Th-thank you, uh, I-" He wanted to express that he also cared for Nishinoya a great deal but was flustered and didn't know what to say.

Nishinoya put his hand on Asahi's shoulder causing him to turn and look at him, their faces were so close but Nishinoya held eye contact with him. "I'll always be here for you, Asahi-san. I want to be. I want to help you, and not only that, I just like spending time with you." Nishinoya said with a genuine gaze that shot right into Asahi's heart, "So don't doubt yourself, don't doubt me. You mean a lot to me, so I'll be your Guardian Deity."

Happiness swelled in Asahi's heart. Nishinoya's kind words meant so much to him. He started to feel the corner's of his mouth turn up. He was smiling a real smile. Nishinoya swore his heart skipped a beat seeing such a pure smile on Asahi's face. It was beautiful, and he was so happy he was the one who made it find its home there.

"You should smile more often, it looks good on you." Nishinoya spoke confidently although he felt a little embarrassed saying such a cheesy line.

A blush spread across Asahi's face and he quickly sunk his head down and covered the bottom half of his face with his hands, flustered.

Nishinoya feigned a pout at Asahi's sudden change in expression. "Aw, so you immediately stop smiling.. That's okay, you look cute when you're blushing too~." 

Asahi completely covered his whole face now with his hands and Nishinoya laughed. "Nishinoyaaaa, what are you saying?" Asahi whined in embarrassment.

Nishinoya stood up, "Just speaking the truth.." He mumbled. He wasn't really sure why he was even saying this, himself. It was amusing and adorable to see Asahi react in such a way, though. He quickly picked up a volleyball and tossed it towards Asahi who was looking through the slits between his fingers. "Come on, let's practice!" The libero said, wanting to quickly switch topics from what he said before. He wasn't thinking much when he said it and was now blushing and regretting his words just a bit. What if Asahi figured out he liked him? He didn't need to complicate their friendship with his weird feelings right now.

"A-alright." Asahi stuttered as he uncovered his still-red face and picked up the ball.

"Wanna spike some of my tosses? I've been meaning to practice them again."

"Ah.. Sure." So they did. Asahi couldn't keep his focus, however. He kept thinking about what Nishinoya had said to him.

_Why would he say those things to me? I mean, obviously he was just messing with me. But still, why did he have to say it? I reacted in such a stupid way too. That's not normal, he's going to realize it._

It was a little upsetting to Asahi, hearing Nishinoya say those things. He so badly wanted him to mean them, but he convinced himself Noya didn't . That's what upset him.

A volleyball softly hit Asahi in the face. "Come on, pay attention." Nishinoya said, "Whatever you're thinking about, stop it." He was well aware that Asahi was most likely thinking about what he had just said to him.

"S-sorry." Asahi apologized and Nishinoya tossed him another ball.

A few minutes passed and the faint sound of two people yelling outside echoed through the gym. Quickly getting louder, the sound continued for a few moments only to abruptly stop as exhausted panting followed.

"Well, I know who's here." Asahi said with a small chuckle. Nishinoya smiled and they both looked towards the door waiting for it to open.

"Augh! Another tie!" A shrill voice shouted from outside the gym.

"No way that was a tie, I won that one for sure." Another, significantly deeper, voice replied.

The door aggressively slid open with a whack as it hit the other side. "Good morning!" The bright ball of sunshine, Hinata, called out cheerfully. "Ah Noya-san! You're here early! And Asahi-san! Are you feeling better today?"

Asahi nodded as Nishinoya waved, "Shouyou, Kageyama! 'Morning!" Nishinoya called back in an equally lively voice.

Asahi and Kageyama also exchanged morning greetings with the others, albeit much quieter than the two short boys.

Soon the other arrived and practice was in full swing. Unfortunately for them it ended all too soon and the boys had to go off to their boring classrooms for the rest of the day.

~

The day passed again and after school practice had been going on for a bit. Nishinoya had been periodically glancing up at the bar covered clock on the wall. He frowned at the time it displayed, it was getting late. He glanced over at Asahi, who had just finished practicing yet another jump serve. He saw Asahi tug down on his left sleeve, something he'd noticed Asahi had made a habit out of. Kageyama was right next to him and they seemed to be getting along well, probably talking about their jump serves. Nishinoya walked up to them and Asahi looked down at him and smiled a bit. "Mind if I steal Asahi-san from ya, Kageyama?" Nishinoya asked.

Kageyama blinked at him. "That's fine. Hinata has been bugging me for some tosses so I probably should." 

"Alright cool! You two gotta keep that freak quick in top condition. We're counting on you!" Nishinoya winked and grabbed Asahi by the wrist and pulled him aside.

Once they were out of earshot he spoke in a hushed voice, "Hey Asahi-san, isn't it getting close to the time that your mom wants you to be home?"

Asahi turned his head and scanned the same clock. He, too, wore a frown upon seeing it. "I suppose it is, but that's never stopped me before, has it?" He replied looking back at his friend.

"I mean, yeah. But maybe you should do it just this once, for today." Nishinoya said and Asahi gave him an inquiring look. "I think a break from the way your mom normally is would be good for you, you know? And I want to know how she would react." He clarified.

Asahi thought over Nishinoya's words for a moment before responding, "I could, but I like spending time here with the team. Missing out on that is upsetting too. I guess it's not nearly as damaging though."

"Yeah, so you should go, for today. You can still call me though! Please do, actually." Nishinoya said. Remembering what Asahi told him yesterday, Nishinoya felt like he had to investigate further into Kazumi's actions.

"Alright. I'll do it." Asahi said with a small sigh and a nod. "I'll go let Daichi know I'm heading out early."

Nishinoya smiled and gave Asahi a small wave. "Okay, I'll see you later!" Asahi matched his small wave as he turned around and stepped towards Daichi, who appeared to be talking to Sugawara more than actually doing any practice.

Once he reached the two he called out to the captain in a soft voice. "Hey, Daichi."

Daichi turned around and greeted him as well. "Hello Asahi, what's up?" Sugawara also spoke a small "Hi" to him.

Asahi fidgeted a bit, realizing he hadn't come up with a reason to give for leaving early. "Uh, well, I thought it might be good for me not to stay too long tonight, since I wasn't feeling too well yesterday so I was wondering if it was okay to, uh, leave now." He mentally slapped himself for sounding so nervous, he didn't want to raise any suspicion.

Daichi smiled friendlily at him, "Of course. Your health is important Asahi, don't push yourself too hard right now. But once you're back in tip top shape I expect our ace to work his hardest!" He confirmed.

Sugawara gave Daichi a look, "It's not like we're doing any real practice either, Daichi." he chimed in.

Daichi sent him a playful glare. "It's important for us to supervise the team to make sure someone's spotting their mistakes." He stated in a serious but joking voice and Sugawara chuckled.

Asahi smiled at them. "Alright then, thanks. I'll see you guys tomorrow." He was relieved that it had gone smoothly and without any questions. He quickly exited the building and started his trek back home in the night.

The walk had been short but never being too sure Asahi quickly pulled out his phone and checked the time. He sighed softly in relief seeing he was just a few minutes early as he walked up the path to the front door of his house. He opened the door and walked in with a loud but soft "I'm home." Hoping to have pleased his mother, he wore a small smile on his face.

Kazumi stepped out of the kitchen and into Asahi's view as he closed the door gently behind him. "Why are you home so early again?" Kazumi muttered to herself, dismayed.

Her quiet words managed to reach Asahi's ears and his smile faltered, "But I thought you wanted me to-"

Kazumi raised her hand up to her mouth before a sickeningly sweet smile overtook her features, "Of course I do!" She beamed, walking up to him, "I was just so surprised considering what a disobedient, worthless child you always are." She maintained her straight face of sunshine as she uttered words that felt like a knife through Asahi's heart.

"Right.." Asahi felt guilt and self-loathing rise up inside him and he averted his eyes, "Sorry for always disappointing you." His voice was genuine and he flickered his eyes back to see his mother returning to the kitchen.

"Well, since you're here you might as well have dinner again, I was just finishing up in here." Kazumi said with her back still turned as she reached a pot of something on the stove, "Why don't you sit down?"

It was weird to Asahi, hearing such a mothering tone from Kazumi. He wondered if this is what he could always have if he wasn't such a terrible son all the time. Fresh cooked food every night, kind words, at least in comparison to what he normally had, and a nice peaceful atmosphere. He pulled out a wooden chair, hearing it screech as it slid across the uncooperative floor, and sat down. The scent of curry wafted from the kitchen and Asahi breathed it in, sighing in contentment. 

Dinner went pretty uneventfully, there was not much conversation between Asahi and his mother. Asahi didn't mind though, silence was much better than the usual. Once he was done Asahi went to his room and sat down on his bed as he always did. He pulled out his phone and looked longingly at it, wanting to dial Nishinoya's number and tell him everything. Judging by the clock on his lock screen it was much too early, though. It was likely he and the others hadn't even left to go home from practice yet. Sadness clouded Asahi's face. He wanted to be there with them, was it really so wrong for him to want to? Kazumi was always still awake by the time he gets home and he used to stay out that late just fine, he didn't understand _why_ she doesn't want him to do it. But she doesn't, and that's that. He can't keep being so awful, but how can he pick between two things that are so important to him? Karasuno and his mother's wishes. 

Not wanting to think about it anymore Asahi unlocked his phone and lied back on his bed. He played silly games for a while until he decided Nishinoya was probably home and done eating dinner. He pulled himself back up, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed. He punched in a number and the line hardly rang for any time at all before an earnest voice answered with a "Yo! How did it go?" 

Asahi's face lit up at the familiar voice. "You sure picked up fast." He chuckled.

"Of course!" Nishinoya chirped, "I was anticipating your call, after all. So what happened? Was your mom nice?" He asked again.

Perhaps it would've been better to think about the situation instead of drowning his thoughts out with mindless mobile games, Asahi realized as he pondered his words. "Well, yes. She was nice." Asahi started, "And it's making me think, maybe I'm overreacting about this whole thing."

Nishinoya's face contorted to a look of concern, even though Asahi was unable to see it. "I don't think you are. Why would you be?" He questioned.

"It's just that, I guess when I actually do get home when she wants me to she _is_ nice. She lets me eat and doesn't yell at me. She was actually really surprised that I got home early again, because I'm usually such a disobedient and worthless child, she said. It made me feel really guilty." Asahi spoke softly.

"Worthless?" Nishinoya scowled, "I don't know about this whole 'nice' thing, Asahi-san. Maybe you only say nice because you're used to so much worse."

Asahi's face dropped, "I don't know. But I mean, I should listen to my mom, right?" Asahi fiddled with his bed sheets. "That's what you're supposed to do."

Nishinoya softly hummed in thought. He had done some brief research on the internet about abuse and how to help someone in such a situation. He really wanted to try his hardest to help Asahi. "Well you're not asking for much. It's like she suddenly started being more strict for no reason, she's just being controlling or something." Nishinoya said a little unsurely, "And, yeah, asking you to be home at a certain time isn't an oppressive rule, even if it's seemingly for no reason and it used to not be that way, but the way she handles it is messed up. She specifically makes sure you don't eat at all if you stay out too late, and if you didn't get something out of a vending machine on your own every morning you actually would never get to eat at all. She probably assumes that you are practically starving, right?"

"I guess so."

"You can't just literally starve someone! It's not okay!" Nishinoya was starting to get heated and he took a deep breath to tried to relax. "You said she hits you, too. And she called you worthless and I'm sure plenty of other things in the past. It's clear all this stuff has hurt your mind, you're not overreacting. Your mother has no right to treat you like that." 

Asahi took a moment to consider what Nishinoya was saying. He rested his elbow on his knee and rested his head on his hand, feeling overwhelmed with everything. "Maybe you're right." He finally let out.

"Right! Don't let her manipulate you into thinking she's the victim, okay?" Nishinoya insisted.

"..Alright." The reply was unsure but Nishinoya would take it. It was probably the best he was going to get for now. "I should probably go to sleep now. This is making me exhausted and it's late." 

"You do that then." Nishinoya replied, "I'll see you tomorrow! Goodnight!"

Asahi smiled softly and also bid Nishinoya a goodnight before the call was ended.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

  
Resting on the floor with their backs pressed against the wall, Asahi and Nishinoya sat side by side in the early hours of the morning. It was only their fourth time meeting in the morning and, thankfully, Nishinoya hadn't shown up late, since the first time. They both agreed there would be plenty of time to practice once the others showed up so it was fine for them to just sit peacefully together and relax. Deep down Nishinoya actually did want to practice, he could never get enough of expending his endless energy and pushing himself to be the best, but if Asahi didn't want to he was happy to relax with him.

Neither of them had said a word for awhile, but it wasn't awkward. The two didn't have anything to say at the moment so they quietly rested on the chilly floor next to each other. Even though there were no words, to Asahi it was much better than the deafening silence of being alone and the cruel thoughts of self-hatred that seemed to come out when there was nothing better to think about. He could hear Nishinoya's quiet breathing and could feel the pressure and heat from his small body as he ever so slightly leaned on Asahi. It was calming.

Something was gnawing at the back of Asahi's mind though and he didn't know if he wanted to bring it up or not. Despite still having a hard time burdening others with his problems, he had been telling Nishinoya everything that had happened with his mother, recently. Asahi swallowed and figured if Nishinoya was already willing to help him out this far what's one more thing? "Hey, Nishinoya?" Asahi broke the silence.

Nishinoya looked over at him and hummed a response.

"Did I tell you that my mom let me eat lunch these past few days? I guess since I've actually been going home on time. She's been leaving notes on the table that say she made something last night and it was in the refrigerator for me." Asahi said but he didn't sound to thrilled about it, he almost sounded distressed.

"No, you didn't tell me, that's good... Isn't it?" Nishinoya shot Asahi a puzzled expression at his tone of voice.

Asahi shrugged, "Well it was. She didn't do it yesterday and I assumed she just forgot but when I got home I asked her about it she was really dismissive and avoided it. A-anyway, this morning when I went to check the refrigerator again and she put the lock back on it."

Nishinoya frowned. "But you didn't even do anything wrong?" He said but his grew higher at the end of the sentence and it came out sounding more like a question.

"Yeah.. I don't think I did. That's why it's really bothering me." Asahi was used to his mother neglecting him, at this point, when he didn't do exactly as told but it was different now. He _was_ doing what she wanted and yet, for whatever reason, she specifically went out of her way control him again.

Nishinoya let out an irritated sigh and clenched his fist. "What's her deal?" He growled, "Honestly, Asahi-san, at this point why are you even bothering to appease her or whatever?"

Asahi shrugged, his face drooped sadly. "I guess because she's my mom. I don't know." He dropped his head and put his hand over his face in resentment. "I do still want to stay here with you guys though." He said in reference to the team he had been leaving early every night.

Nishinoya's heart ached at Asahi's defeated posture. "Forget her then." He said, probably more sternly then he should've. He was just so frustrated with Asahi having to be upset all the time. "You only have a bit longer to have to live with her. She's being unreasonable. Just do what you want." He softened his voice.

Asahi lifted his head from his hand, still wearing the same distraught expression. "I mean, I guess you're right. It's worse though, when I don't listen."

"Stand up for yourself, Asahi-san! Don't just stand there and take her hurtful words and when she lashes out to hit you. Stop her, walk away." Nishinoya attempted to help.

"I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that part.." Asahi's face lifted into a weak but determined glare, "But you're right. Maybe I should do what I want. I'm going to stay here as late as we all do."

Nishinoya grinned and patted Asahi on the back. "Heck yeah, dude!" He cheered, "And I'll always be here to support you!"

Asahi smiled feebly, but there was something of a hopeful glint in his eyes. Changing his outlook on things really made a difference, and now he had Nishinoya with him. He could do this. He could withstand his mother's abuse.

~

Daichi and Sugawara exchanged concerted glances, because there was Asahi, sans food and with that same bandage on his arm _again._ He acted perfectly normally though, and neither Sugawara nor Daichi knew what to say to express their concerns. So they kept quiet. Much to Asahi's relief.

After Asahi left the remaining two lingered for a bit, despite knowing lunch period would end soon and they would have to rush back to class. "You're worried about him too, aren't you?" Sugawara asked softly.

Daichi nodded, glad they were finally talking about this. "How could I not be? He almost never eats, and he's been leaving early everyday with the pretense of him not feeling good _days_ ago when he certainly acts like he's perfectly fine during the day."

"Maybe he really does just keep forgetting to bring his lunch." Sugawara suggested, "But still, that wouldn't explain why he keeps leaving early. And I know Asahi's not the type to be lazy about this." Worry rose up in his voice.

"I bet Nishinoya knows." Daichi said, "I doubt he wouldn't question Asahi, you know how Nishinoya's always all over him about not being lazy and trying his best. Besides, Nishinoya was there that day when he ran off. He has to know if there's actually another reason behind it."

Sugawara looked at Daichi quizzically, "You think Asahi would tell him? He seems pretty avoidant with talking about his issues. And if that's the case why wouldn't he tell us?" Sugawara was almost a little hurt, he thought he was close with his fellow third years.

Daichi shrugged, "They seem really close, and Nishinoya is a lot more straightforward than us. It's not like we've tried to talk to him and he's shut us down. Nishinoya probably asked."

Before Sugawara had time to process Daichi's words the bell rang, "I guess we should talk about this later." Suga said as he swiftly picked up his things and started walking towards the door to get back into the school.

Daichi followed suit. "Right, later then."

~

"Hey, you're staying, right?" Nishinoya leaned towards Asahi and asked quietly as it started to get late.

Asahi hesitated for a moment before confirming, "Yeah."

Nishinoya gave him a thumbs up, "Cool, you can do this man. Stand up for yourself."

Asahi nodded. He hoped it wouldn't be that bad when he got home but he knew that was impossible. There was no such thing as peace when it came to Kazumi. He tried not to think about it too much for the time being. He wanted to enjoy this time with his team that he loved.

Of course he was right, though. When he got home the short lived happiness that he had was quickly pried out of his grasp with a swift hand across the face and words that made him regret the decision he had made.

"Why didn't you come home like you have been these past few days? I was starting to think you turned over a new leaf." There was a weird mix of anger and what seemed like feigned sadness in Kazumi's voice.

Asahi didn't say anything, only raising his hand to cup his cheek. "And here I thought you loved me, Asahi." His mother whined putting her hands over her heart, "Don't you love your dear old mom? I raised you, you know. Don't you realize how much it hurts when you defy me like this? After all I've done for you."

"All you've done for me..?" Asahi felt guilty for apparently causing Kazumi anguish, he'd never looked at it like that before. However he was a bit skeptical about that last part, in recent days anyway. His quiet protest died in his throat though, unable to speak up.

Kazumi scowled at him, "Don't say it like that. How do you think it feels when a mother's child who she _loves_ doesn't give her any respect?" Her scowl faded back into a hurt expression, and guilt shot right through Asahi, "Awful, painful, breaks my heart. How could you do this to me?"

"But you wouldn't.." _Treat me like this if you actually loved me._ He wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. _I'm sorry Nishinoya, this is too difficult for me right now._

He wanted to stand up for himself like Nishinoya had pushed him to do, but it was so hard. Especially with how upset Kazumi seemed over this. It genuinely made him feel guilty and he was left unable to defend himself.

"And to think it's all for something you're not even good at." Kazumi paced around the room staring Asahi down as she spoke. "I saw that one pathetic game of yours your father dragged me along to that one time and that was enough. What was the other team's name..? Date.. something.. It doesn't matter. What matters is how much of a disappointment you are."

Asahi felt his throat tighten up and his eyes sting with tears he was trying hard to keep from spilling at that one. Awhile ago His dad had insisted they go see one of Asahi's games to support him and he had dragged Kazumi along despite her complaints and of course it happened to be the one game that he had miserably failed during. Kazumi's words felt like a knife stabbing straight through an already gaping wound.

"You shouldn't have ever gone back after that." Kazumi continued on, "I'm surprised they even let someone like you join them again. Talentless, and you were such a cry baby too after it happened. Why would they ever want you on their team?"

"Right.. I'm sorry." Asahi muttered as he pushed past Kazumi having reach his limit of torment he could withstand. Tears spilled from his eyes as soon as his back was turned, his eyes unable to contain the amount of liquid anguish accumulating in them any longer. Much to Asahi's relief his mother didn't call out to him as he left, she was probably satisfied with the damage she had done.

When he got into his room he wanted to slam the door shut so hard but something inside him just couldn't. He felt so weak. He quietly sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands, soaking them wet with tears. His breathing was erratic and he couldn't calm himself down just sitting there like that. His eyes wandered over to the dresser beside his bed through the slits between his fingers. He knew something in there would calm him, if just for a moment. He wanted to so badly and his hand drifted over to open the drawer, but remembering Nishinoya's concerned look and kind words he pried his hand back and opted to reach into his pocket instead and pull out his phone.

With shaky hands he managed to reach Nishinoya's contact info and hit the call button, leaving the phone to ring for a few moments before a lively voice answered, "Yo, Asahi-san!"

"N-Nishinoya.." He responded weakly with a sniffle, his nerves settling a tiny bit at the familiar kind voice that he loved.

"Aah, you sound upset.. Things went poorly?" Nishinoya's tone dropped into something a bit more soft.

Asahi didn't say anything, he felt too choked up with tears as Nishinoya's voice turned concerned. Having someone worry about him gave him a rush of emotions. He didn't say anything, only letting out a weak sob.

"Hey, hey, Asahi-san it's alright." Nishinoya tried to speak calmly in his distress of hearing Asahi so upset, "You're gonna be okay."

There was nothing but ragged breathing on the line for a few moments before Asahi choked out a simple, "I'm sorry."

"Wha- No no no, don't apologize to me! You didn't do anything." Nishinoya reassured, "If anything I'm sorry. I should've have pushed you to stay out late like that."

"N-no.." Asahi's voice broke between his now softer cries, "Don't apologize to me e-either, I made that decision. It's for the best if I want to keep doing it, I-I need to deal with this.."

Nishinoya felt a little better knowing that Asahi still wanted to go through with standing up for himself, or at least doing what he wants. It was relieving that he was able to speak now, too, albeit between sobs. "So what did she do?"

Another wave of sadness coursed through Asahi as his mother's voice went through his head. "S-she sounded really upset, about me d-defying her again.. She said i-it breaks her h-heart." He stopped a moment to try to regain his composure but it was futile, his speech kept breaking with stuttered cries, "I-it made feel super guilty. There w-were also some things I, uh. I wanted to say, to defend m-myself, but I-I.. I just couldn't"

"..That seems manipulative" Nishinoya said quietly, more to himself than Asahi, "Don't worry too much about not defending yourself right now, it's a good enough step to start staying out late again. Did she say anything else?"

"R-remember.. _That_ game against Dateko?" Asahi asked even though he already knew the answer.

Nishinoya winced at the memory of their fight and the bitter silence after it. "How could I forget?"

"Well, my parents were there for that game. S-so of course my mom had to bring it up." Asahi's eyes welled up with tears again at the memory, "Sh-she said she doesn't u-understand why I waste my time on something I'm so awful at. A-and that you guys shouldn't have even let me back on the team after that. B-because of h-how terrible I am and h-how much of a wimp I was ab-bout it." Tears spilled endlessly from Asahi again.

The idea of Asahi's own mother using that as ammunition against him broke Nishinoya's heart. Hot anger rose up inside him. "You know that stuffs not true, Asahi-san!" Nishinoya expressed, "You're our ace, and so what if you have a glass heart? There's nothing wrong with that."

"Do I really know it's not true though?" Asahi's sudden raise of voice surprised Nishinoya, "Maybe you're just saying that. Maybe you're all just saying that, out of some kind of pity or something." His voice was hurt and strained.

"Why would I lie to you? Any of us! Honestly, Asahi, do you really think that?" Getting too worked up Nishinoya raised his voice too in response.

"I don't know!" He paused for a moment before growing quiet again, "I don't know.. I just really.. Hate myself right now. I-I'm going to go.."

"Asahi-san wait-" Nishinoya called out but he was only met with a simple "I'm sorry" before the chime of the call ending sounded and they were both left alone.

Asahi flopped over and slammed his face down onto his pillow dampening it with his still-flowing tears. He knew Nishinoya tried to help and it wasn't his fault that there wasn't anything he could do. Asahi was just too far gone right now, mere words not being enough to suppress his overflowing misery. He pulled himself up and reached over to open his draw he had stopped having the will to fight to keep shut. He took a sharp razor out and tore off the bandage on his upper arm, pushing his sleeve out of the way in the process.

_I'm so sorry, Nishinoya. I can't stop myself right now._

~

"Hey, mom." Nishinoya called out groggily, still tired from just having woken up. He was sat atop a chair by the kitchen island while his mom, Rin, fiddled with tea-making. 

Rin turned around to face him with her wavy, light blue, dyed hair falling around her shoulders. "Yes?" She responded as she looked at him with her soft brown eyes. 

"I have a request." Nishinoya stared at the table and traced circles on it with his index finger. When he didn't continue his mom urged him on, "What is it?" She asked.

"Well, a really good friend of mine has been having, uh. Issues at home, recently, and because of it he almost never has lunch to eat at school so.." Nishinoya looked back up at Rin, "I was wondering if you could help, and make a bit of extra food so I can bring it to him."

Rin clapped her hands together and smiled sweetly, "Aw, Yuu-chan. That's really kind of you to want to help out, of course I can. What's going on with him, though? Is his family poor?"

Nishinoya shook his head, "Nah. His mom is a bit.. Abusive. Controlling I guess. She doesn't let him eat a lot, just for.. Whatever reason."

"Ah, that's rough. What's his name?" Rin asked as she turned back around to pour the now finished tea out into two cups.

"Actually, it's Asahi-san." Nishinoya said. His parents had met Asahi a few times when he had gone over to Nishinoya's house in the past, or after games they had gone to watch.

A cup of steaming tea was placed down in front of Nishinoya and Rin moved to sit down beside him. "Really, Asahi-kun? That's upsetting. He's such a sweet boy, too." She frowned and took a gulp from her cup after blowing into it briefly.

Nishinoya nodded and began drinking too. They sat in silence taking sips of their tea for a moment before Nishinoya spoke again. "He's not been doing so great lately. I try my best to make him feel better." 

Rin put her arm around Nishinoya's neck and ruffled his deflated hair, not yet spiked up like normal, with her other hand. "You're such a good kid. I'm so proud of you for being so kind." She pulled away and stood up to walk back around to the kitchen area, placing her empty cup in the sink. "You should go get ready. I have a bit of leftovers from what I made for you and your dad, I'll put it in a box and you can bring it to Asahi-kun today."

Nishinoya jumped up and scurried over to wrap his arms around his mom in a tight hug. "Thank you so much!" He beamed.

"Of course! If he ever needs help with anything else feel free to ask us. I'm sure me and your dad will be willing to do whatever we can." She smiled back at him, and Nishinoya dashed off to get ready for school, giving her another quick 'thank you'.

~

Nishinoya briskly jogged to school that morning, mostly because he was running a bit later to practice than he had been recently but also because he was really excited to give Asahi the food his mom made and tell him that he was going to keep bringing him more. He also had another important thing to talk to him about regarding last night's phone call. Nishinoya made sure to send a text to Asahi this time telling him that he was going to be a bit late because he was talking to his mom, so that Asahi wouldn't get upset again. When he slid the door open to the gym he saw that Tanaka was also there casually chit-chatting with Asahi. They both turned to face the door upon hearing it open. "Good morning Ryu, Asahi-san!" Nishinoya waved at them momentarily forgetting what had just been on his mind.

They both waved back and Tanaka noticed the bento box in Nishinoya's hand he had quickly forgotten he was carrying. "Woah Noya-san! What's with the bento?" Tanaka asked as he pointed at it.

"Oh, this? Uh-"

"Wait! Don't tell me a girl gave it to you while confessing her undying love and admiration for you!" He accused enthusiastically.

Nishinoya waved his hand back and forth, "No! That is not what happened!" He attempted to clarify before his friend got any more excited.

"Come on! Who was it?" Tanaka pressed and stepped closer to him.

"I'm serious! It's, uh," Nishinoya pushed past Tanaka and stood in front of Asahi, who was quietly spectating their animated conversation, and shoved the bento towards him, "It's for Asahi-san!"

"She told you to give it to Asahi-san? She can't do it herself!?" Tanaka continued to speak loudly as Asahi confusedly stared at the box being held up to him.

"What? No!" Nishinoya said, " _I'm_ giving it to Asahi-san."

"Wait, really?" Asahi asked timidly as the box was more adamantly shoved into his hands and he was forced into holding it to save it from falling to the floor as Nishinoya released his grip.

"Huh? Why?" Tanaka asked, his voice dropped back to acceptable levels.

Nishinoya froze with fear, he realized that perhaps it wasn't the smartest thing to say that because he definitely didn't have an excuse ready for why he would need to give Asahi lunch. "Uh.. No reason. Don't ask." Was the best he could give and he hoped his friend would accept the answer and leave it alone, "And yes, Asahi-san. I'll tell you more later." He said quietly turning towards Asahi, his facial expression turning much softer. 

"Ah, thank you." Asahi thanked him quietly and soft pink rose to his cheeks.

"Hmm." Tanaka narrowed his eyes and put his hand on his chin, "Suspicious." He said, but he wasn't even sure what he was suspicious of.

"Of what?" Nishinoya asked before he quickly changed his mind. He dashed over to the cart of volleyballs and scooped one up, "Actually never mind. Come on let's do some practice!" He shouted in his voice he used to hype people up, hoping he could sweep this under the rug without anyone finding out about Asahi's situation before he was ready.

Thankfully Tanaka allowed it to happen and as more people arrived while they practiced, Nishinoya managed to find a point where he could drag Asahi off the the side and talk to him. "So! About the bento." He started, happy to tell Asahi about his recent endeavor on the road to helping him to a better life. Asahi nodded for him to go on, signaling he was listening. "I was thinking about how unhealthy it is for you to eat as little as you do so I asked myself 'What can I do to help fix that?' So I had this great idea to tell my mom a _tiny_ bit about your situation and ask her if she could help out and make extra food so I could give it to you! And she said she'd do it! Isn't she awesome? So I'll have food for you everyday!" Nishinoya explained proudly, beaming at Asahi. He had to try his best not to yell too loudly so no one else would catch ear.

Asahi's chest grew warm and he could feel a sense of happiness rise up in him. "She'd do that for me? I've only met her a few times." A small smile find its place on his lips.

"Of course! She thinks you're really sweet, she said so." Nishinoya assured, "She said she'd be willing to help with pretty much anything she can if you ever need anything else, too."

"Thank you so much.. Tell your mom I said thank you, too." Asahi said softly, almost as if he didn't fully believe it. His small smile grew wider until his gratefulness could no longer be contained on his face and, without much thinking, Asahi leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the shorter boy's neck and pulled him into a hug.  

Asahi's hug was warm and nice, and now Nishinoya started to feel warm too and he was sure his face had turned some shade of red. "O-of course! I'm glad you're happy." He managed to say as steadily as he could.

Asahi quickly as his face became the same color as Nishinoya's, he put his hands up in front of him in defense. "Ah, I'm sorry!" He looked around to also make sure no one else was watching them, and felt a little relieved when he saw everyone was absorbed in what they were doing. 

"D-don't worry about it! I don't mind." Nishinoya waved off, turning his head and looking elsewhere. He had to tell himself not to get the wrong idea and that Asahi was just being like that because he was probably overly emotional right now. "Again, I'm just glad you're happy."

~

Ah, lunch time. What a good time of day, when you actually have something to eat. It's a relaxing and refreshing break from the bore of classes, and you can spend it with your friends. Asahi stared at the opened box in his hands, it looked so good. Remembering Nishinoya's mother's and his kindness must've been causing him to make some weird emotional faces because he heard a voice calling out to him soon after he started thinking about how grateful he was.

"Hey, Asahi, are you okay?"

Asahi looked up and was met with the concerned look of his two third year friends. He averted his eyes and blushed, embarrassed at being caught probably looking stupid. "..Yeah." He replied, which wasn't exactly a lie. He was doing okay right now in this very moment. Better than okay, actually.

"Well, I don't want to pry but what's been going on lately with these off and on lunches? Some days you have food but a lot of them you don't." Sugawara said patiently with only kindness in his voice.

Asahi felt conflicted on whether or not he wanted to open up to anyone else about his situation. It was hard to talk about. And it almost felt like a bit of a betrayal to Nishinoya, like he wouldn't be special anymore in knowing about it. "Oh, you know.. I just forget to bring it a lot of these days.." He said not making eye contact.

His friends frowned at him. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to but don't lie to us, that's clearly not true by the way you're speaking. And what about you leaving so early every evening? That's not normal either. I know you're not one to shirk your duties anymore." Daichi asked, probably a bit more harshly than he intended, and Sugawara glared at him to be more gentle.

Asahi's tensed up. "..It's n-nothing. Don't worry about it.. Please." Asahi replied, staring down into his food.

"Well, we're going to regardless." Sugawara said.

Asahi frowned. He didn't like people worrying about him and he knew actually telling them would probably only make it worse, but they were close friends. They deserved to know some of it, he thought. So he told them a bit about how his mother had become controlling after his dad left. Making it seem not _as_ bad as it was and leaving out the parts about his own heavy mental struggles.

"I'm so sorry! I had no idea you were going through something like that! If you ever want to talk or need help we're here." Sugawara said, face full of concern, as Daichi nodded beside him. He didn't get an answer about the bandage but he decided not to press any farther than he already had.

Asahi smiled feebly, "Thank you, it's fine though. Nishinoya's already helping me out. He even said he was going to start bringing me lunch." He said motioning towards the box in his hands.

Daichi sent Sugawara a knowing gaze that seemed to say 'see? I told you Nishinoya knew.' and Sugawara chuckled softly. "That's very nice of him." Suga said.

"That's so like Nishinoya. He's such a have-your-back kinda guy. I'm glad you have someone like him there for you." Daichi smiled.

Asahi nodded softly. "Yeah, so am I." He was relieved the conversation went so smoothly. It felt like a bit of a weight off his chest to have more of his friends know at least a bit of what he was going through.

~

Asahi felt a light tug on the back of his shirt as he was about to start walking home. He flinched before turning around to meet with a stern gaze from Nishinoya that he felt himself shrinking under.

Nishinoya released his grip as Asahi turned around to look at him and his gaze became more concerned. "Last night. Why did you just hang up like that?" He asked harshly but his voice quickly broke into something softer and more worried, "Are you okay?" 

"W-what? I was just upset, don't worry.. I'm fine." Guilt washed over Asahi. He knew he shouldn't lie to Nishinoya but he was so scared to disappoint him.

"You were so upset, I was so worried, you've never left a call like that before. I've been wanting to talk to you about it all day but I never got the chance to privately." Nishinoya looked up at the taller boy with unease, "Did you..?" He trailed off.

Asahi's eyes darted around nervously. "D-did I what?" He knew exactly what Nishinoya was asking but he concluded that if he pretended he didn't he'd get to procrastinate answering for at least a bit longer. 

Nishinoya frowned. "You know what I'm asking! Did you hurt yourself again?"

And there it was. The question was out there and Asahi couldn't bring himself to say anything. He didn't want to blatantly lie but there was no way he would be able to force even a simple 'yes' out. So he remained quiet and stared at the ground in shame.

"Asahi!" Nishinoya's voice was broken, and upset, and passionate, and it made Asahi feel even more guilty. Nishinoya reached out and grabbed Asahi's arm by the elbow, which Asahi weakly attempted to resist, and flicked the sleeve of his t-shirt up exposing the fresh, red slits in his skin to the open air, and Nishinoya's eyes. "..I knew it."

Asahi quickly yanked his arm back and slapped his other hand over it. "Why would you do that?" He asked in the best angry tone he could muster, which sounded more strangled and distressed.  

"Because I never would've known otherwise!" Nishinoya shouted.

"Having someone look at them makes me really uncomfortable." Asahi mumbled as he yanked his sleeve back down.

"I'm sorry but that's not going to stop me, you wouldn't have told me otherwise. You're not supposed to do that! It's not good." Nishinoya glared at him.

"You think I don't know that?" Asahi snarled. His eyes grew teary and he kept his voice raised which concerned Nishinoya even more. It was so rare that Asahi spoke in such a way, he knew he had to be under a lot of stress. "I was really upset. I can't just, one day, stop completely. Don't you realize that?" 

Nishinoya realized that he probably was being a bit unfair to Asahi. He was right, you can't just stop doing something like that one day, especially not with how much Asahi was still going through. "You're right, I'm sorry if I got too angry." Nishinoya apologized, "But that's not an excuse to not try."

"But I did try!"

"I know, it just really upsets me to see you do this cause I care about you, you know?" 

Asahi looked away again. "Yeah.."

"I know it stresses you out too. I've noticed how you hide in the locker room when we change. I see how often you tug your sleeve down. Don't you want that to end?" Nishinoya asked.

The thought of the rest of his teammates finding out made Asahi feel sick with dread and he fiddled with his sleeve out of nervousness. "I do.."

Nishinoya grabbed Asahi's good arm and pulled him back towards the club room. "Here, we'll put another bandage on. I heard on the internet that covered wounds heal faster." They reached the club room quickly and went inside. Nishinoya pulled out the first aid kit again and opened it.

"I can do it this time." Asahi said and took the box out of NIshinoya's hands.

"Five days." Nishinoya said as he watched Asahi take a gauze bandage out of the first aid kit. "I'm going to check your arm after five days. Since you said it makes you uncomfortable I won't until then. But these better be well healed and not reopened by then, and there better not be any new ones either." 

Asahi paused wounding the bandage around his arm for a moment. "..Alright." He replied weakly, not taking his eyes off his upper arm.

"You've gotta promise me, Asahi-san. Promise you'll try your best to stop. I don't want to see you hurt yourself anymore, it's so upsetting and you're so much better than that." Nishinoya's voice grew louder and passionate again.

Asahi finished wrapping up his arm and looked up at Nishinoya. He hesitated, he didn't want to make a promise he wasn't sure he could keep, especially not to Nishinoya. But Nishinoya didn't say he had to promise to stop, only to try his hardest to. That was something he would be willing to do. "Okay. I promise." He finally said quietly.

Nishinoya smiled warmly at him. "I believe in you."

Asahi smiled back. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took over a month for me to update! I'm really lazy and a slow writer, but I'm having so much fun with this. It's really cool to see the story I planned flesh out so I'm definitely sticking with this to the end. There's still a lot left. Also Nishinoya's parents are going to be in this too now! I always imagined his parents would be at least a little cool because, come on, how could you raise a child as cool as Nishinoya if you yourself aren't at least a bit cool too? Anyway thank you for reading!


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